Love Letters, Greeting Cards: Where did they go?

I was in my teen years during the 90's and I remember going to the bookstore once in a while to buy different kinds of "stationary sets", different designs, colors and scents. On those pieces of scented papers I would write "love letters" to the subject of my affection. It is a wonderful feeling when you get to personally write down a letter expressing your feelings, with your own handwriting and strokes, that personal touch in a "letter" adds to its value and expression.

On special occasions like birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's day or whenever I feel like it, I would go to the bookstore and spend hours standing there, choosing between hundreds of greeting cards available looking for the "exact" message for the occasion and recipient. When I finally choose the "best" card for the persona and the occasion the next task will be composing your own message that you will have to write down in the blank part of the card intended for such purpose, Its always very difficult to write down anything in this part because everything you want to say is almost always there in the printed message which took you hours to pick so this is what happens;

1. you try to compose your own message out of thin air, you start to squeeze your brain for thoughts.

2. you try writing those messages on a scratch paper because there is no "cancel" button to press if you make a mistake writing on the card, and a "liquid paper" marking won't leave a good impression, so the best way to do is to use a draft.

3. you feel you are running out of time because the occasion is in two-days time and she/he has to receive it on the exact date, so by hook or by crook it should be mailed that day.

4. after so much effort all you came up with is a two-sentence message, you ran to your closet, searched for "old" love letters other people sent you and pick up some lines to augment your two-sentence message.

5. well of course, If you're madly in love to the recipient of your greeting card these things won't be a problem, you'll always have a million thought and a million words to say.

After you're done with the message part and sealing your letter or greeting card "with a kiss", the next thing to do is to go to the Post Office to mail it "Express", "Special Delivery" or "Registered". It usually takes a lot of effort to do this not unless you live downtown, the Post Office is usually a 10 minute walk from home, that is if you run hahahaha.

In this age of advance technology where you can send a message through the "air", I came to realize how difficult it is to send a love letter or a greeting card back in the "times", Do I regret doing it? No, I don't., in fact I miss exerting the effort, spending so much time in preparing to send a single greeting card, the effort counts, It's so different from the "high-tech" ways that we use today, I miss sending my personal touch on every letter, it was a time when I spelled every word correctly on my letters, so different from the way I spell words on text messages 2day.............(je!je!je!)

Love, Lust, What's the difference?

I wanted to blog today but for some reason, topic titles are suddenly scarce, so I asked for HELP and posted a question on my facebook status "What can I write about today? In three minutes came an answer from one of the "crusaders"

"Which head really governs men?"

Hahahaha, So here it is, Bok, this one's for you.......

So let's start with the question, Can we "separate" love from lust? meaning can you be in love with someone without feeling lust for her?

Can you?

Uh???

Can you?!?!?!?

If your answer is "Yes, I can".......Say it again and listen to yourself..........

I don't think that's possible. I don't see love being separated from lust, like the two goes hand in hand together like cup and saucer or fork and spoon or Bonnie & Clyde, see the association? Yes anyone of these examples can exist without the other but the utility of the remaining part won't ever be completed without the other, the "gist" just won't be there.

So now, since from my point of view, there can never be love without lust, How can a woman tell whether a man feels "Love" (Love + Lust) or purely "Lust" for her? Here are some tips, based on research and "experience"......

1. It is love when he's always longing to be with you, WITH OR WITHOUT SEX, and he doesn't mind when you say "Sex needs to wait". Well it's not actually that he doesn't mind, he will surely try to get between your legs from time to time but at least he won't force you., that will be a good indicator.

2. It is love when he finds you beautiful when you're not (basing on the naked eye standards of "beauty")

3. It is love when he talks to you about a "future" together, well... he will surely talk about sex from time to time but at least there will be times that he gets to talk about other things like having and raising kids with you.

4. It is love when he talks about or at best/worse (depending on which perspective you wanna look at it) proposes to marry you.

Now, assuming that you started believing that he's "in love" with you and you decided that "the waiting is over" and you do sex with him, there are still indicators on whether or not he's "really" in love with you.......even after sex.

He's really in love with you when.....

1. He tells you that he loves you even after and not only during sex.

2. He still cuddles you after sex and doesn't give you the "I am so sleepy" excuse when you try to start a conversation.

3. He doesn't give you the "I got to go" excuse after sex or any other excuse just to avoid spending time with you after doing the "deed"

It's just lust when......

1. He doesn't respond to your "cheesy" messages like "I miss you, baby" except during times that he feels like doing it, he will reply by saying "I miss you more, I'm dying to be WITH you" or anything to that effect.

2. He wants to have sex with you every time that you're together.

3. He doesn't care whether you're hungry or thirsty or dying before or after having sex, what's important for him is that he can do it with you it's a "Let's do it and call it a day" thing.

4. You don't usually finish a thing that you're doing before sex whether it be watching a movie or playing badminton because he is usually in a "rush" to do it and in a "rush" to get rid of you right after.

Hahaha so you are now starting to think how your boyfriends acted the last time you did it.

Been there, Done that so you ladies better believe me.

My Proffesor

You were dashing.  You are perhaps the youngest professor that I ever had, you were 27 then and I was 19, Seriously? I can’t remember how our thing started, What I remember was looking into the directory one day to look for your office phone number, I placed a call, the next thing I know, I was driving you home every night after class.

We had a difficult time hiding the truth about  us from among the people in the faculty and from among my  classmates, I remember some people from class seeing us one night while we went out on a date after class, and I had to answer a million questions from the guys the next day., and it was so hard to conceal something that was evident.

Everything happened so fast, Can’t even remember how it started nor how it ended, all I know is that it ended for no apparent reason, it just died down, You were in a rush and I was too young, you were already a lawyer and I was just in college, what was I supposed to do?, marry you and be your driver or office secretary?

Now that I am in the middle of this letter, I can’t really think of anything to say, maybe because there was not much in the relationship that we had, and oh, one thing I still have those cards that you sent me and the poem that you wrote, “If only I can have three wishes” its pretty and I kept it.

Now I remember, you were at times agitated about me being so possessive and jealous, well, imagine a 19 year old boy having a 27 year old dashing lawyer as his girlfriend? That’s every boy’s dream and nightmare at the same time.  

Those road trips that we had were good memories, I remember leaving my car at the parking lot somewhere in Angeles just to be able to drive you to your office in your own car and take a jeepney on my way back……. It was always worth the trip specially with our favorite hot choco in the mornings, once I threw the cup outside the car window you scolded me by saying “Do you know how many years it will take for that styro cup to melt?” hahahaha. And I remember as well your favorite song during those times it was “What’s forever for?” We played it in your car everyday…………

Well, forever might be for keeping memories of something that  happened and does not completely unhappen. 

"Sally"........that girl.

I heard a song one day during those times, and for no apparent reason at all  I started referring to you as “Sally”, I hope you remember that it’s you.

You are one of the most patient persons  that I’ve ever known, and one of the prettiest as well. You just stood there waiting for me to come back, and I did, every time my relationship with other women fails I’ll come back to you and you accepted me, my youth blinded me with the gravity of pain that I was causing you,

I’m sorry.

I think it was the purity of your love and your soul that made you stood by me through those long years, you never attempted to start a relationship with anyone else while I was away doing my stupid things, you just stood there and talked about me with our friends as if a strong relationship was going on between us, while your doing that and holding on, hoping time will change the way I look at relationships,  I was figuratively miles  away doing God knows what.

My parents liked you so much, and we practically known each other since time immemorial, we had the same faith, It was almost perfect, something just went wrong, ME.

I invented the concept of WANTING MORE, and it gave me a lot of failures and more importantly taught me a LOT of lessons in life,  There was a time when I was at the brink of giving up on life, everything failed on me and I was trying to find a way out and I thought of you, after so many years of taking you for granted I called you up and I asked you to pull me out of the abyss I was in to, how inconsiderate can I get?

After turning my back on you in a countless number of times, and leaving you behind for women after women, I called you up and asked you to “MARRY ME” and I said let’s get married tomorrow, Funny how I heard your mom furious at the background after knowing that it was me on the other line, she has all the reasons in the world to act the way she did. You are such a nice person that you didn’t even talked about all the stupid things that I’ve done or how I took you for granted for so long, you just asked me one question and that was enough to stop me from asking you to get married the next day.

“O bakit mamalagwa ka?”

And I paused and I thought of the question, It was a million questions in one, in effect you asked me why I was trying to drag you in a sprint to the aisle when I had all the time to prepare for everything but I didn’t because I was pre occupied with dashing into the midst of the temptations of the world, It was me, It was solely me who was responsible of messing up what could have been a perfect relationship and a perfect you.

I just want you to know that, that day that I asked you to get married, I meant it, but after you asked me that question, I came to realize that you were right, there was no need to rush things on your part because you have a very peaceful life, you were so composed that you were able to find peace despite me, you were so sure of yourself that “you just stood there” my world broke down but you were still there with or without me, you were peaceful.

I don’t remember how that phone conversation ended, and never did I remember you saying “NO” to my proposal, you just asked me that question and that’s all I can remember.

Thank You.

Thank you for making me realize that I was asking you to marry me for the wrong reason, I was shattered and I thought marrying you would put the pieces back together, you were right for asking me that question, in effect you  also said that you were not in anyway responsible for the mess I got into, why would I ask you to go into the middle of it and protect me from the pains I was into, how irresponsible can I get?

The smile on your face didn’t fade out all through these years, I see that you are so happy with what you have right now. I just want you to know that I never regretted knowing you, what’s regretful is what I was the times that I had you.

Joserian

It would have been wonderful. It was one of those relationships when I didnt have to worry about keeping it alive because everyone was on our side, Our parents were even talking about getting us married after graduation, Everything was going great, for the first year at least.

It was a time when cellphones are a part of sci-fiction movies, When computers are just used for word processing, a time when we need to talk to a telephone operator to place a long distance call just to be able to talk to each other for a few minutes, the best that we can do most of the times was to write letters three or four times a week and that was through snail mail, yet we were able to keep it strong, Saturdays were wonderful for me back then, it was usually the day when you come home from Manila and see me in the afternoon in Guagua., We just sit there while you play the piano for me and we didnt have to worry about anyone or anything but ourselves.

It was our parents and their pride that started the trouble, They encouraged us to start a relationship which we didnt regret having, and forced us to end it just because of their petty quarrels, thats what we regret or at least that's what I regret, letting that happen was one of the regretful moments of my life, we could have lost each other anyway through those years for one reason or another, but loosing you just because I was told to, because of some petty quarrels which didnt make sense at all was unfortunate and I let it happen.

I am sorry, I lost count of the years, obviously this is a very late apology, but I'll say it anyway.

I am sorry.

Up to this day, I try to avoid seeing you, I try not to talk to you, because what you said about me back then was so true that it reechoes in my mind everytime I hear your name much more when I see you.

I am sorry, for being so weak and for not standing my ground when I had the perfect reason to do so and that was you and the love we had back then. The last time I saw you, you seem happy and Im so glad to see that, It looks like you have someone who can stand his ground for you and that's wonderful.

Stay happy.

can't think of a pseudonym for you.

You came into my life when my view of the world could fit in a box. I loved you more than any other woman who came before you, up to this day there is still a part of me which is hurting every time I think of that day, that day you rode in that red car that took you to that stupid plane. you were crying as you left  and that made the driver to stop in the middle of the road to ask you if he has to drive back to pick me up, i heard you said "no" and during those times I understand what you did,what I didn't understand were the things you did after that plane took off. The last time we talked you said that after so many years we better keep our questions for each other unanswered, i agreed, not because I liked the idea but because I was afraid to know the truth or at least to hear the truth from you and confirm what I already know, that my parents were right about you.

Of course I know I had my own share of mistakes during our time, the greatest of which was loving you too much, I gave up everything, I disobeyed everyone including my God just to have you, I did everything to keep you and you thanked me for all of these by doing things which to my perception considering my upbringing were out of decorum.

Religion was an issue, yes.family acceptance was an issue, yes. your family hated me for believing my own God, your family didn't like me, I didn't like them either, and if you thought my family liked you, after all the times they saw me crying for the same reason that is you, I'm sorry they didn't, they allowed you to stay in my sister's house in the western part of the country because I was crying the whole time asking them to do it for me and not for you. the point was there will always be issues in a relationship, it wasn't the issues that should have mattered, it should have been how we handled the issues, i was exceptionally brilliant in handling issues during those times, my love for you gave me ways on how to dodge the issues and crash them under my feet, my will to keep you gave me reasons to hold on, I was able to keep things going and the relationship going until the biggest issue came out; YOU.

Thank You, for telling me we had a chance when we didn't.

Thank You, for showing respect while disgracing me at my back.

Thank You, for going away and

Thank You, for not coming back, I think that's the best reason for me to thank you.