you were not even there!

There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own.  ~Robert Brault

I've known  you as my mother for as long as I can remember, you were there to catch me when i stumbled the first time I tried walking. you were there rushing your troops on my first day at kindergarten, and i remember  kissing you at my high school graduation, i remember causing you pain in my days in college when I went astray from the path that you told me to follow, you raised me up in such a strict environment for reasons that i didn't understand,   after each scolding you would always tell me "you'll understand all of these things that i am telling you when you become a parent yourself"   i got so disappointed and at times infuriated for every "NO" that i got every time I asked permission to go out,  for some minutes in my younger years I HATED YOU, I hated you for fetching me up from my prom night at 11:00 pm just when the fun was just starting, I hated you for making me stay at home when the whole class was enjoying the sun at the beach, i hated you for checking the time every night when i come home and making sure I get what I "deserved" for coming home five minutes "late", now that I am in my thirties and am a parent myself I've learned to understand you, I've learned the reason for every "NO" that you gave me,  I HATED YOU FOR A MILLION REASONS and I'VE LEARNED TO LOVE YOU FOR JUST ONE REASON; FOR BEING MY MOTHER.

Now that I am older I've realized how you stood by my side through my better years and my darker times as a person, you've been my shield from the eyes of the people who's only thing was to peek at my failures, you fought for me and the "NO's" were your way of molding me into a responsible person, of making me think that there are better things to do than go out all night partying, that there are more productive things to get into than enjoying the sun at the beach, that an hour at home reading a book or spending time with your family is better than a million hours with people whom you call your friends. I haven't thanked you yet, I hope I can one of these days. i hope i can thank you for giving my children a good father, haven't told you that i love you either, i hope i can one of these days, I hope I can tell you how much I love the way you raised me, I love you so much for making me hate you.

MOMMY, how were you able to be there by my side and lift me up each time I was down and shed my tears each time I was hurt WHEN YOU WERE NOT EVEN THERE WHEN I WAS BORN.